How To End Up...

First, you must be born with the passion to succeed. Go through grade school and high school knowing no specifics of your future except the fact that you will be wealthy. While applying to Rutgers, begin to consider different career options that guarantee you big money. Lawyers are rich but they’re annoying, I don’t want to be annoying. Nurses make good money but that’s kind of feminine. After pondering many different choices, you finally decide to apply to The School of Environmental and Biological Sciences as a Biology major on a Pre-Med track. That’s right, you’ve decided to become a hot shot doctor!

You can’t be touched!

Begin freshman year with unbreakable confidence. “I can totally take Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and Calculus together! In high school, I took six classes plus played sports! I am the King!” You realize that this is going to be tough before “Drop/Add” season is over but you’re confidence and pride will still overpower your common sense. You hold on to all of your classes after it’s too late to even drop with a “W” and now you’re really stuck in a mess.

Fail miserably!

Now it’s the end of your first year and your GPA has been beaten in an alley, dragged through the mud, and crucified. Yet, money is the motive so no change in major. You will finally realize that you need to lessen your class load so second year is a bit lighter.

You failed several classes but passed both semesters of general chemistry. Second year of college: ORGANIC CHEMISTRY! This is when you realize that medicine might definitely not be for you but you keep at it for an additional one and a half years because money is the motive.

During these few years, you wonder if you should drop out and become a male prostitute, wear a lab jacket and stethoscope, and ride around in a Benz. Only you would know what you did for the money.

Finally, halfway through what should have been your senior year, you throw in the towel. Unfortunately it’s too late to switch to School of Arts and Sciences or even Bloustien, so you stay with SEBS. SEBS does offer one non-science major, Economics, and you take it.

What the hell are you going to do with an Economics degree? Who knows? But you will already have many requirements for it under your belt. You are now completely positive that medicine is out of the question and not quite sure of how money will make it into the equation.

“Keep calm and carry on.”

You will eventually come to a place of uncertainty and maturity. You’ll look for a job anywhere, doing anything, and hopefully making decent money. You’ll think you’re at the end, but you’re actually at another beginning.

You won’t know where you’ll end up, you’ll just know that you’re going to end up...